How to Identify Something That Worries You (Stoicism)

• Minute 0–2: Pick one worry you can name with a noun (“deadline slip,” “rent shortfall,” “MRI results,” “breakup talk,” “job application silence”).
• Minute 2–6: Draw the circle. Inside: list 3–5 feared outcomes. Use numbers (days, %, dollars). If you catch yourself writing “everything,” stop and write the smallest piece that hurts.
• Minute 6–12: Outside the circle: write 3–6 counters. These are not dreams; they are levers we can pull. Each should have either a time estimate (≤15 minutes) or a count (e.g., 3 calls).
• Minute 12–15: Choose two smallest counters. Schedule them. In Brali, tap to add them into Today. Assign 7–10 minutes each.
• Minute 15–18: Do the first counter now. Not after reading. Now.

We will narrate that 18-minute session with two more small scenes that can cover common types: health uncertainty and money pressure.

Scene 2: Health uncertainty that hijacks the day We have an appointment in nine days. The test is common; the results are usually fine. Our body does not care about statistics. The worry arrives at unexpected moments (washing dishes, a video call window opening). We decide to do the circle.

Inside the circle:

• “Worst: malignant result → surgery; 6–12 weeks recovery.”
• “Out-of-pocket cost: $2,400–$4,800.”
• “Disclose to boss; reduced hours.”
• “Loss of running habit → fitness drop (VO2 decreases).”

Outside the circle:

• “Second opinion referral path drafted now (10 minutes to list clinics).”
• “Insurance call script; verify out-of-pocket max (7 minutes).”
• “Work coverage list with 3 tasks to delegate (9 minutes).”
• “Prehab plan: 3x/week 20-minute walks now to bank fitness.”

We pick two micro-moves: insurance script (7 minutes)
and second opinion list (10 minutes). We check the time; we start the first. The sensation in the chest loosens slightly. It is not gone. It does not need to be gone. Our metric is not peace; our metric is the ability to act.

A note on emotion: We are allowed to feel afraid. The circle is not a denial tool. It is a container so we can touch the fear without drowning. If we feel tears, we pause and drink water. Then we finish one micro-move. We do not punish ourselves for feeling.

Scene 3: Money pressure that keeps lights on The rent is due in five days. Today we only see the number as a cliff. We push that cliff into a circle.

Inside:

• “Short by $320.”
• “Late fee: $45.”
• “Embarrassment: landlord text asks ‘status?’”
• “Groceries: we will cut quality.”

Outside:

• “Sell one item: second monitor ($80–$120) → draft listing (12 minutes).”
• “Shift two dinners to beans/rice + eggs (saves ~$18).”
• “Ask landlord for split payment (draft text, 6 sentences, 7 minutes), request waiver of late fee this month.”
• “Gig shift: 2 deliveries after work (likely $32–$44).”
• “Call aunt: borrow $100 with payback plan (script 5 sentences).”

We count. Listing + landlord text + two deliveries + simple food swap = $80–$120 + split fee + $32–$44 + $18 saved = $130–$182 plus the $320 shortfall narrowed. We still might be short. But the gap shrinks. The moral here is not that everything will be fine. The moral is that we bring the problem into a shape we can push against.

Trade‑offs: The cost of doing this work is 18–30 minutes and a small spike in stress while we write. The benefit is a measurable drop in indecision and a slightly higher probability we act. We would accept this trade on most days. On a day we are overloaded, we might do the five‑minute version (we describe it later).

Why the circle and not just a list? The circle visually separates what we fear from what we can do. Modern CBT would call it stimulus and response; Stoics would call it impression and assent. The circle is a thin border between two modes: worry (inside), response (outside). When we mix them, we tend to either catastrophize or overly reassure (“It’ll be fine”). The circle invites a balanced posture: prepare for what hurts and make space for counters.

We also learned that if we write more than five items inside, our brain reads it as “too much” and shuts down. We cap it at five. That constraint is not aesthetic; it is functional. Constraints rescue effort.

The anatomy of a solid inside/outside page

• Inside should be concrete, numbered, and bounded by time or amount. “Everything will collapse” is not allowed. “Lose client worth $1,250/month” is allowed.
• Outside should include three types of moves:
  1. Buffer (buy time, money, or margin)
  2. Repair (if X happens, repair with Y)
  3. Signal (communicate early to reduce impact)
• Outside moves must be testable in ≤15 minutes or measured by count (e.g., 4 messages). If a move is large, we split it.

If we write the inside/outside page and then defer all action, the worry returns unchanged. Our practice is incomplete until one outside move turns into a calendar block, a text, or a form submitted. We call that “closing the loop.” We try to close one loop before the next task. Loops closed per day is a simple count we can track.

• “What if writing the worst makes it worse?” Often for the first 2–3 minutes the anxiety spikes (subjective units of distress might go from 4/10 to 6/10), then drops to 3–4/10 by minute 10. If by minute 12 you are still above 7/10, we stop and shift to a body practice (2 minutes slow exhale) and return later.
• “What if I cannot think of counters?” We borrow counters. We text a friend and ask, “If my client cuts budget by 30%, what would you do first?” We see options we did not see because we were inside the fear.
• “What if the worst is truly worst (grief, terminal, legal)?” We keep the same method but change the outside to support and containment: name who we call, what we delegate, how we buy time, and one ritual to hold grief. We do not pretend to fix fate.

• Trauma triggers: If the worry is tied to trauma, the spike can be high. Do not do this method alone on those topics. Use a therapist or a trusted person and do shorter intervals (3 minutes writing, 2 minutes pause).
• Perfectionism: We might keep “optimizing” the page. We cap to 12 minutes and 5 items inside, 6 outside, or else we turn the method into procrastination.
• ADHD: The friction of switching to action is higher. We reduce the first step to 90 seconds: paste a template text to someone. We also use Brali’s “Start with 2‑minute warmup” toggle so the timer feels less heavy.
• Team worries: This method scales, but group dynamics add blame. We frame inside as neutral events (“budget reduced 30%”) and outside as tasks, not judgments. Then we mark first moves with owner and time.

A small pattern we return to: we do not argue with the worry. Arguing consumes energy. We put it in the circle, give it a number, and set two counters. Then we move. The moving changes what we can believe later. Emotion often lags action.

We connect to our body because the body writes the permission slip for our brain to act. Before we write, we count 4 slow exhales (around 5–6 seconds each). That reduces sympathetic activation just enough to hold a pen steady. Numbers help again: 4 breaths takes roughly 30 seconds. It costs little.

We will use a generic worry: “Presentation tomorrow.” We time ourselves.

Minute 0–1: Write “Presentation tomorrow” at top. Draw circle. Minute 1–4: Inside:

• “Freeze and lose track (20–30 seconds).”
• “Q&A: hostile question on budget line 3.”
• “Tech fails; slides not visible.”
• “Boss thinks I’m not prepared.”

Minute 4–9: Outside:

• “Write a 2‑sentence reset script (7 minutes).”
• “Create 3 index cards with numbers (count: 3).”
• “Q&A fallback: say ‘Let’s pull that number up together’ and open sheet; rehearse once (3 minutes).”
• “Export slides to PDF, save local and cloud (5 minutes).”
• “Ask host to test share 30 minutes early (send 2 sentences now).”

Minute 9–12: Do one: send the host message. Minute 12–15: write the 2‑sentence reset script. We have not guaranteed success, but we have reduced the likelihood of failure and increased our readiness to repair. We are allowed to feel relief.

Stoicism is not apathy; it is preparation and choice. Seneca’s version of premeditatio malorum is not “imagine doom to suffer in advance,” but “look at the edges of fate, then choose what we can do now.” We can be kind with ourselves and still be strict with our steps. We separate what is ours to do from what is not. The circle is a literal drawing of the Stoic control boundary: inside is fate (probabilities we cannot make zero), outside is response (preference for action we can move).

We also link to modern findings: mental contrasting (Oettingen)
shows that pairing a desired outcome with obstacles and then planning specific responses increases follow‑through. Our circle is the “obstacle” and the outside moves are the “if‑then” plans. This combination can increase goal pursuit rates by 20–60% in lab settings, especially when plans are time‑anchored. We are not promising these effect sizes in our kitchen. We are telling you there is a reason the method feels sturdier than hope alone.

We keep a running “worry cost” ledger for a week. We estimate minutes lost to rumination before we act. Day 1: 45 minutes; Day 2 with circle: 22 minutes; Day 3: 28 minutes. It will not be a straight line, but we can chart a trend. A 20% drop in rumination over a week translates to around 70–90 minutes recovered. We could spend those minutes on sleep, walking, or the next circle.

We also quantify counters. If our money worry requires $320, we list counters that sum to at least that number. If our time worry needs 2 hours back, we list swaps that buy back 120 minutes (skip two shows (90 minutes), reduce app time (30 minutes)). Numbers turn amorphous fear into arithmetic.

We try a working parent scenario because edges multiply there.

Scene 4: Worry with constraints (childcare + job)
Inside:

• “School calls: child sick → must leave by 2:30 pm.”
• “Miss client review at 3:00 pm.”
• “Boss reads this as unreliable.”

Outside:

• “Pre-write ‘childcare contingency’ email to boss (8 sentences, 9 minutes).”
• “Ask colleague to be backup at 3:00 pm; send calendar invite now (3 minutes).”
• “Move 3:00 pm materials into shared doc with speaker notes (12 minutes).”
• “Arrange neighbor swap list (text 2 neighbors; ask for 1 pickup each month) (6 minutes).”

We do the first two now: 12 minutes total. The worry does not disappear; it becomes a plan. The micro‑scene matters because we did not invent time or energy; we repositioned it. We will pay a cost somewhere (e.g., a later dinner prep), but it is a cost we chose, not one fear chose for us.

We sketch an explicit pivot in this scenario too, because we often get it wrong at first: We assumed “we must promise we can always be available” → observed we broke that promise and looked worse → changed to “we specify the contingency and write the signal in advance.” The pre‑written email beats a brittle promise.

• “If I plan for the worst, I’ll attract it.” No mechanism supports this. In practice, we see the opposite: by planning counters, we reduce mistakes. Think of it as wearing a seatbelt. Wearing one does not cause a crash; it reduces harm if one happens.
• “This is just worrying on paper.” Worrying is repetitive and aimless; this is constrained and productive. The circle has a timer and ends with a first move.
• “I don’t have time.” We can do the 5‑minute version on days with zero margin (see below). Most sessions cost less time than we lose to rumination.
• “I’ll feel weak if I do this.” We often feel a small dip of shame when we acknowledge fear. We name it out loud: “We are not weak for planning. We are adults managing uncertainty.”

• Create a reusable template called “Stoic Worst‑Case Circle.”
• Sections: Worry name; Inside (max 5); Outside (max 6); Two micro‑moves; Check‑in questions.
• Add two micro‑moves to Today; set timers to 7 and 10 minutes.
• Archive the page when you close one loop. Move it to “Resolved” if outcomes occur and you repaired it.

We narrate one more micro‑scene to show the loop closing.

Scene 5: The phone call we dread We need to call customer support for a bill dispute. For three weeks, we have not. Today we draw the circle.

Inside:

• “Wait on hold 30–45 minutes.”
• “Agent refuses credit; we pay $140 extra.”
• “I get angry; say something I regret.”

Outside:

• “Call at 08:02 am (median hold time shorter by ~40%).”
• “Write 3 bullet points with account numbers (6 minutes).”
• “Request supervisor politely after first refusal (script: 2 sentences).”
• “Ask for partial credit (50% = $70) and extended due date (7 days).”
• “Reward self with 10‑minute walk after call.”

We time‑box. We set a 12‑minute timer to prepare bullets and scripts. We call at 08:02 am. Hold time is 9 minutes. We get 50% credit. We walk for 10 minutes. This is not a miracle; it is a setup.

• 12 minutes: One full circle (inside 5 minutes, outside 7 minutes).
• 7 minutes: First micro‑move done immediately.
• 8 minutes: Second micro‑move between meetings.
• 4 minutes: Brali check‑in + journal note. Total: 31 minutes invested. Minutes of rumination reduced: estimate 20–40 minutes. Net daily gain: -9 to +9 minutes plus reduced anxiety, measured by 1–2 points on a 10‑point scale.

We keep looking for trade‑offs and frictions

• Writing vs typing: Handwriting slows us down just enough; typing is faster. We observed that handwriting yields better emotional calibration, but typing yields faster execution. We pick based on goal: if the worry is hot (emotion high), we handwrite; if execution is urgent, we type.
• Private vs shared: Sharing the page with a partner can bring support, but it can also invite advice we do not want. We decide per topic. Money: we share. Health: we share lightly. Work politics: we keep private until after the first move.
• Time of day: Morning circles often yield better follow‑through; evening circles help sleep. If we sleep poorly after evening circles, we cap them at 10 minutes and end with a body practice (exhale 6 seconds × 6).

When we list counters outside, we are practicing implementation intentions: “If fear X occurs, then I do Y.” This technique has decades of evidence showing improved action rates, especially for difficult tasks. The key is specificity: “If I see the email with ‘Contract Revision,’ then I will paste my reply draft and book a 15‑minute call.” Vague intentions degrade. Specific ones hold.

We also mention the power of scripts. Scripts are not robotics; they are relief. When anxiety spikes, language narrows. We write scripts while calm, for us under pressure. We tuck them into Brali so they are available without searching.

Let’s incorporate the Brali check‑ins because tracking changes behavior. We are not collecting data for sport. We are turning invisible dreads into visible counts.

Check‑in Block

• Daily (3 questions):

  1. What worry did we circle today? (name in 3 words)
  2. Did we complete at least one outside move? (yes/no)
  3. Body signal before vs after (tightness, breath, heart): change in 0–10 scale?

• Weekly (3 questions):

  1. On how many days did we draw a circle? (0–7)
  2. Total loops closed (count of first moves completed)?
  3. Was the average intensity of the top worry lower, same, or higher compared to last week?

• Metrics:

  • Count: loops closed per day (0–3)
  • Minutes: time invested in circle + first move (minutes)
  • Optional: subjective distress 0–10 before vs after (delta)

• We might become tolerant of chronic stress if every day becomes worst‑case. That is not the goal. We choose one worry per day at most, and if we notice a trend of repeated topics (e.g., money every day), we elevate the structural fix (budget overhaul) to a separate project.
• We might use the circle to justify avoidance (“I planned; now I deserve a break”) without action. That is why we bind the circle to one immediate micro‑move. We do not close the notebook until the first move is complete.
• We might believe we should feel grateful instead of worried, and shame ourselves for circling. Gratitude is good; it is not a solvent for dread. We can hold both.

Alternative path for busy days (≤5 minutes)

• Minute 0–1: Name the worry in 3 words.
• Minute 1–2: Write the single worst outcome, with one number.
• Minute 2–3: Write one counter with a time ≤5 minutes.
• Minute 3–5: Do that counter now (e.g., paste a template text, export the file to PDF, schedule a call). Done. We skip the full circle when capacity is low. We still move.

We narrate a closing micro‑scene because endings teach.

Scene 6: We thought the worst, and the worst did not happen We planned for a delayed payment. Inside: “Payment delayed 21 days; cash short $400; payroll stress.” Outside: “Short‑term loan from self (savings) with email to team; freeze optional spend; two outreach emails.” We did the two emails. Next day: client paid on time. Our circle did not cause the payment. Our circle turned dread into two outbound emails that later yielded a new inquiry. The worst did not happen; the work still helped. We count these wins not to pat ourselves on the back, but to train our brain to associate the circle with action, not with gloom.

We did the health circle. The result was malignant. Outside actions—second opinion list, work coverage, insurance script—did not cure anything. They reduced chaos by 20–30%. That reduction mattered. It made room for support. The circle was a friend we could hold that day. We do not romanticize this. We mark it as true.

• Morning: choose one worry; do circle in 12 minutes; one move in 7.
• Midday: check off loop closed; if not, move it to 3:40 pm buffer.
• Evening: 2 lines in journal: what worked, what we’ll change.

• Make a shared circle in a document. Inside: only facts and numbers; no blame. Outside: tasks with owners and times. Cap the meeting at 15 minutes. End with one loop per person to close today. We do not storytell; we schedule.

• Writing counters that require other people’s consent without a fallback (e.g., “They will agree to our new terms”). We add a Plan B we control.
• Over‑investing in low‑probability catastrophes (meteor strike thinking). We rate likelihood roughly (high/medium/low) and spend proportionally.
• Using the circle to delay creative work. If we notice we only do circles and never ship anything, we set a limit: max 1 circle per day, and it must be tied to shipping.

When we feel the urge to check our phone in the middle of an inside/outside session, we put it out of reach (1–2 meters). That tiny distance costs us 2–3 seconds, enough to notice the urge and return to the pen. Friction is a design ally.

• Inside: cap to 3 items.
• Outside: include at least one “support” contact and one “time buffer” move.
• Do not send any messages until 10 minutes after writing. Cooling time reduces reactive tone.

We’re almost done; we’ll tie this to your next hour We ask for a small promise from ourselves: by the time we finish reading, we will do the 18‑minute practice or the 5‑minute alternative. That is the only promise. We can do it at the kitchen table or in a car before walking in. We do not negotiate with the timer. We let the imperfect page exist. We turn one outside item into a small behavior. The small behavior becomes a check‑in. The check‑in becomes the next slope.

We end with one more pivot because it might be yours too: We assumed “naming the worst makes us spiral” → observed “naming with numbers reduces vagueness and slows the spin” → changed to “numbers first, action second, reframe last if needed.”

We do not control outcomes. We control the clarity of our eyes and the next small move of our hands. That is enough to feel like people again, even on heavy days.

Mini‑App Nudge (second, brief): In Brali, add the “If‑Then Card.” Write: “If I see the red calendar block called ‘Circle,’ then I start the 12‑minute timer and write 3 inside, 3 outside.”

We send you back to your day. The coffee is colder now. We still have time to draw one circle.

Hack №: 113 — How to Identify Something That Worries You (Stoicism)

Check‑in Block (again, for quick copy)

• Daily: Worry named? Loop closed? Body signal delta?
• Weekly: Days circled? Loops closed? Overall intensity trend?
• Metrics: loops closed (count); minutes invested; distress delta (0–10).

We will do this today. Then we will rest a little easier tonight.