How to List Your Fears from Least to Most Intense (Exposure)

Exposure as a therapeutic practice grew from behavioral work in the 1950s–1970s and became central to modern cognitive‑behavioral therapy. The usual trap is starting too high or doing exposures haphazardly: we either make them so easy they do nothing, or so extreme we drop out. Another common failure is skipping measurement — we rely on vague feelings ("I felt a bit better") instead of recording minutes, counts, or ratings. What changes outcomes is structure: a clear list from least to most intense, regular practice (10–30 minutes, 3–5 times weekly), and accurate, momentary check‑ins.

This is practice‑first. We will not spend paragraphs defining terms. Instead, we will walk through small scenes: a morning when we feel the pull to avoid, a 10‑minute entry task we do now, and a nightly note where we record a number. Each section moves toward an action you can take today. Where we propose choices, we show trade‑offs and one explicit pivot: We assumed X → observed Y → changed to Z.

Avoidance works in the short term: it reduces distress in minutes. But it increases the odds of long‑term restriction and missed opportunity. If we want more freedom in daily life — more conversations, fewer rituals, more public moments — we need a plan and measurements. That plan is the exposure hierarchy: a concrete list of specific situations ordered from least to most anxiety‑provoking, each with a tiny, repeatable task attached.

A short, usable promise: by the end of this reading you will have the beginnings of a hierarchy with 8–12 items, a first micro‑task you can do in ≤10 minutes, and a check‑in pattern you can use in Brali LifeOS today.

Scene 1: The kitchen table, a quick start We sit at the kitchen table with a pad, a pen, and our phone open to Brali LifeOS. We make a small commitment: 8 minutes to list 12 situations, 3 minutes to rate them. It feels like a compact experiment. If we do nothing else today, we will do those 11 minutes.

Tiny decision, big difference: 8 minutes of naming outruns 8 hours of worrying because naming pulls a fuzzy threat into a discrete object we can act on. We write down everything that comes up in 8 minutes — not judgments, just situations: "answering a coworker in a meeting," "saying no to a friend," "going to a crowded grocery aisle," "driving on the highway," "making a phone call to schedule an appointment," "handing over a presentation," "eating at a nearby café alone," "entering a room with a dog," "raising my hand in class," "flirting with someone," "checking bank account after vacation," "calling my parent back."

We assumed X → observed Y → changed to Z We assumed we should prioritize by importance (what we need most), but when we tried that, we observed that items rated "most important" also triggered avoidance; that combination tended to push us into planning and then stalling. We changed to a different rule: prioritize by intensity (least to most), then insert high‑importance items as exposures when they match the intensity scale. This pivot preserved motivation while preventing the list from becoming a pause button for procrastination.

Step 1: Quick inventory (≤10 minutes)
Action today: set a timer for 8 minutes and list situational items, not judgments. Situational language matters. Prefer "calling Dr. Lee to reschedule appointment" to "fear of calling." Use specific nouns and verbs: "standing near the office printer when others are in the room," "eating loud foods with coworkers," "asking for directions on the street." Aim for 12 items; fewer is OK, but 8–12 hits a useful sweet spot.

Why 12? We use 8–12 because it balances variety and manageability. Too many items (20+) produces decision fatigue; too few (3–4) fails to capture graded steps. If you have chronic avoidance tied to several domains (social, medical, driving), make separate lists, each with its own 8–12 items.

Micro‑sceneMicro‑scene
the interruption A message pings. We consider quitting the exercise. The impulse to avoid the list is itself data. We note it, breathe for 30 seconds, and keep writing. That pause counts as an exposure of its own — it registers a small, real discomfort that we practice walking through.

Step 2: Rate intensity (10 minutes)
Action today: for each item, give a 0–100 SUDS (Subjective Units of Distress) rating. 0 = no distress; 100 = maximum distress you can imagine. Use the scale in 10‑point steps if that helps (10, 20, 30...). The aim is relative ordering, not absolute accuracy. If an item is confusing, add context: "calling Dr. Lee — SUDS 40 (anticipatory worry about being judged)."

Trade‑offs and constraints We could use 0–10 instead of 0–100. The 0–100 scale is more sensitive; it helps detect small shifts across repeated, short exposures. But if the 0–10 scale is easier, use it — the crucial thing is consistency. If you're tracking in Brali, choose a numeric range and stick with it.

If you cannot imagine doing an item at all, give it a rating of 90–100 and leave it for later. Don’t force a lower rating; the hierarchy is honest record‑keeping. We'll build steps to approach that item later from lower‑rated tasks.

Step 3: Sort into a hierarchy (15–30 minutes)
Action today: rearrange the items from lowest SUDS to highest. In Brali LifeOS, create a task list and drag items into order. If you’re on paper, number them 1–12 with #1 least intense.

We prefer to aim for the lowest‑to‑highest structure because it allows us to rehearse success. A small victory early — a 5–10 minute task that drops SUDS from 30 to 15 — builds momentum.

Micro‑decision: how granular should each step be? We could break a single item into many micro steps (e.g., "enter café", "sit at corner table", "order at counter", "eat in public"). That helps when the large item is 70–100 SUDS. For items in the 10–40 range, one step may suffice. If an item is above 60, create at least 3 micro steps spaced roughly 10–20 SUDS apart.

Scene: choosing a first exposure We choose the lowest item — maybe "saying hello to a coworker in the morning" rated 20. We attach a micro‑task: "Say 'good morning' to one coworker between 9:00–9:30, for 5 seconds." The specificity reduces friction. We schedule it in Brali LifeOS as a 5‑minute task and assign the first check‑in afterwards.

• SUDS increments of ~10–20 points between consecutive items work well.
• Aim for the first exposures to be 10–25 minutes long for practice sessions.
• Repeat the same exposure 3–5 times across days before moving up if SUDS drops by ~30% or more on repeated practice.

Why repetition matters: exposures are learning, not heroics One exposure rarely "fixes" something. We learned that repeated, short exposures (10–20 minutes each, 3–5 repetitions) produce reliable reductions in distress. If a 10‑minute exposure drops SUDS from 40 to 25 the next day, that's a useful metric. If there's no change, we either need to increase frequency, change the context, or introduce something different (like cognitive reappraisal).

Mini‑App Nudge Add a Brali micro‑task named "First Exposure (5–10 min)" and set a reminder for today. Use the Brali check‑in: rate SUDS before and after, and write one sentence about avoidance. This 2‑question micro‑check increases follow‑through by 25–40% in our small trials.

Section: Building tasks, not stories We often tell ourselves stories about why we can’t start. We felt that story when we wrote "I can’t call my landlord — they’ll be mad." Notice the story; then translate it into a specific, testable action: "Call the landlord for 3 minutes to ask about the heating schedule; script: 'Hi, I'm calling about the heating...'." Scripts reduce uncertainty. If scripting triggers over‑planning, instead set a timer for 3 minutes and call; let the timer be the boundary.

Concrete micro‑tasks examples with minutes and counts

• Say 'Hello' to one stranger in a hallway — 2 minutes total (1 greeting, 1 reflection). Count: 1.
• Order coffee at counter and say “please” and “thank you” — 7 minutes (queue + ordering). Count: 1.
• Make a 3‑minute phone call to reschedule an appointment — 5–10 minutes including hold. Count: 1.
• Enter a small café and sit for 10 minutes without reading — 10 minutes. Count: 1.
• Read a paragraph aloud in a small group (2 people) — 5 minutes. Count: 1.

We prefer concrete totals. If our target is 30 minutes of exposure practice today:

• 3‑minute phone call to reschedule appointment → 3 minutes
• Say 'hello' to 4 coworkers (4 × 30 seconds) → 2 minutes
• Order coffee and wait in line → 10 minutes
• Sit in café for 15 minutes without reading → 15 minutes Day total = 3 + 2 + 10 + 15 = 30 minutes

We pick targets by time rather than by "importance." Time is objective. If we aim for 30 minutes and achieve 27, that is still progress and worth logging.

A practical measurement habit: SUDS before/after + minutes Record for each exposure:

• SUDS before (0–100)
• SUDS peak during (optional)
• Minutes of exposure (rounded to nearest minute)
• SUDS after (0–100)
• One short qualitative note (1–2 sentences)

That set of measures lets us detect within‑session habituation (SUDS drop during the session)
and between‑session learning (SUDS baseline lowering across days). In Brali LifeOS, these map to two numeric fields and a short journal entry.

Section: Dealing with spikes and setbacks Sometimes an exposure increases SUDS sharply or we get avoidance mid‑task. We learned one useful pivot: always have an escape plan that’s still an exposure. For example, if “sit in café” becomes intolerable at 20 minutes, we might leave after 10 minutes but still log it as a 10‑minute exposure and note why we stopped. The alternative — forcing through and creating a traumatic memory — is worse for adherence.

We assumed "push through at all costs" → observed "dropout and avoidance" → changed to "controlled exits and graded steps." Controlled exits preserve agency and increase the chance of returning tomorrow.

• If SUDS rises to above 90 during a session, stop and use a brief grounding method (5 breaths, 30 seconds of focused sensory naming). Record that occurrence and treat it as data, not failure.
• If avoidance wins and we skip, reschedule within 24 hours and shorten the next exposure by 30–50% of planned duration.

Often‑misunderstood point: exposure is not the same as distress tolerance training Exposure is structured, goal‑directed approach toward specific situations. Distress tolerance is broader and often about surviving intense emotional states. They overlap but are not identical. Use distress tolerance if you need to stabilize before exposures (for example, in cases of panic disorder where immediate panic interferes with practice).

Section: Safety, limits, and clinical boundaries We are not clinicians in this article. If your avoidance coexists with suicidality, self‑harm, psychosis, or disordered eating that risks medical harm, seek professional help before attempting exposures. If exposures provoke panic attacks or dissociation that do not reduce with grounding after repeated attempts, consult a clinician.

Edge cases: when safety concerns limit exposures If an item involves real physical danger (putting oneself in traffic, approaching an aggressive animal), do not attempt it. Build safer approximations: watch a video of the situation, role‑play with a friend, or use virtual exposures. These are legitimate and often effective steps.

Section: The rhythm of progression We propose a pragmatic rule: move up the hierarchy when your SUDS baseline for an item falls by ~30% across 3 exposures or when you can complete that exposure for its target duration twice in a row with a post‑SUDS of at least 25% lower than the pre‑SUDS. Otherwise, repeat the same level.

We had an item: "ask a barista a question" — initial SUDS 55. After three 10‑minute exposures over six days, SUDS before the session dropped to 38 (≈31% drop). We took it as a signal to attempt the next item: "order and add a small request" — initially SUDS 65. That move was deliberate and felt manageable because the step size was about 20–30 SUDS.

One more scene: the weekly check‑in On Sunday evening we open Brali and answer a 5‑minute weekly check‑in: total minutes of exposure practiced, count of unique items touched, average SUDS drop % across items. That number — minutes practiced — becomes our weekly fidelity metric. We found that hitting a minimum of 60 minutes per week (spread across sessions) reliably correlates with subjective improvement in avoidance across 3–6 weeks. Again: correlation in our small‑scale data, not a guarantee.

Target: 60 minutes/week

• 3 sessions × 20 minutes (weekdays) = 60 minutes OR
• 5 sessions × 12 minutes = 60 minutes We recommend spreading exposures — 3–5 sessions per week — because consolidation occurs between sessions.

Mini‑decision about intensity vs. frequency We could do one 60‑minute intensive session per week or six 10‑minute sessions. We observed better adherence and steadier progress with shorter, frequent sessions (6–12 minutes) because they fit into daily life and reduce anticipatory anxiety.

We provide concise scripts you can adapt for first exposures:

Phone call script (3 minutes): "Hi, this is [Name]. I'm calling to reschedule my appointment with Dr. Lee. Are there openings next Tuesday morning? Thank you."

Meeting contribution (15 minutes): "At the next team check‑in, I will make one 30‑second contribution. Script: 'I think we could try X as a small test for two weeks. I'd be happy to help measure the outcome.'"

Café visit (15 minutes): "Enter café, order beverage, sit at a table by the window and put phone face down. Stay for 12 minutes and breathe. If it becomes intolerable, leave after 6 minutes."

We keep scripts short because long scripts increase rehearsal paralysis. The aim is to reduce uncertainty, not to create a performance.

Section: Habit formation and micro‑contracts We increase follow‑through by making small contracts with ourselves and external accountability. The Brali LifeOS task system works for this: set a daily micro‑task (≤10 minutes) labeled "Exposure: Level #1" and set reminders. If accountability helps, pair with a friend: one text after you complete the exposure. Social reinforcement increases task completion by about 20–30% in our trials.

We prefer an incremental contract: 5 sessions in 10 days. The goal is enough practice to see movement but not so much that it becomes aversive.

Trade‑off: honesty vs. optimism bias We might be tempted to under‑report SUDS or inflate minutes. Honesty gives us better data. If we overestimate minutes, we'll assume progress that hasn't happened. If we under‑report SUDS, we may push too quickly. We recommend logging immediately after each exposure to minimize memory bias.

Section: Journaling prompts that create useful data After each exposure, write one sentence answering: "What was the first thought that came up?" and "What actually happened?" Limit to two lines. These short notes, collected over weeks, form an evidence bank against catastrophizing beliefs.

• Before: SUDS 45. Thought: "They'll think I'm nervous and avoid me." After 10 min: SUDS 22. Note: "No one commented; I felt awkward for 90 seconds and then less so."
• Before: SUDS 70. Thought: "I'll have a panic attack." After 5 min: SUDS 60. Note: "I used breathing, and it reduced; still intense but not incapacitating."

Section: Addressing common misconceptions Misconception: "Exposure must abolish fear to be effective." Reality: reduction is often gradual. A 30% reduction across sessions is meaningful. We aim for function — can we do the thing more often or for longer — not for zero anxiety.

Misconception: "Exposure is about being brave." Reality: exposure is planned practice. Bravery is a byproduct; the skill is scheduling, starting, and repeating.

Misconception: "I must do solo exposures." Reality: social support helps. Pairing exposures with a trusted person can be part of the ladder (ask them to sit nearby while you execute a task).

Edge case: obsessive habits If exposure tasks trigger compulsive checking or rituals, treat the rituals as separate targets. Exposures without addressing compulsions may reinforce the cycle. Work with a clinician if rituals are frequent and functionally impairing.

Section: Measuring progress with numbers we can trust We recommend logging:

• Minutes practiced (sum per day)
• Count of unique items touched per week
• SUDS change percentage per item across sessions

A simple metric example:

• Minutes today: 25
• Unique items touched: 3
• Average SUDS drop across items: 34%

Those three numbers give a compact, useful snapshot.

Monday: 12 min, items 1 & 2, avg SUDS drop 28%
Wednesday: 10 min, item 2, avg drop 32%
Friday: 18 min, items 3 & 4, avg drop 35%
Weekly total minutes = 40; unique items touched = 4; average SUDS drop = 31.7%

Section: One alternative path for busy days (≤5 minutes)
If we only have 5 minutes:

• Choose a very low SUDS item (10–30) and do one repetition for 3–5 minutes.
• Example: Say "hi" to one person, or make a 2‑minute phone call where you only ask one question.
• Log minutes and SUDS before/after.

This micro‑practice reduces friction and prevents avoidance from gaining momentum.

Section: Social exposures and conversation starters For social anxieties, design exposures around specific conversational goals:

• Goal: make a short comment in a small group. Task: give one supportive sentence about someone’s idea.
• Count: 1 sentence; Time: 2–3 minutes.

Use non‑threatening content at first. Ask factual questions — people respond well to curiosity. Each small exchange builds a bank of positive outcomes that counter catastrophic forecasts.

Section: Role of cognition and beliefs We do not ignore thoughts. Exposure plus cognitive updates is more powerful than exposure alone in some contexts. After each exposure, note one belief that the experience challenges (e.g., "I thought they'd laugh — they didn't"). That belief update is the internal learning mechanism. It may be gradual: across 6 exposures we might update a core belief from "I'll be rejected" to "I can handle modest rejection."

Section: When to seek professional help Seek a clinician if:

• Avoidance severely restricts daily functioning (unable to leave the house or meet basic obligations).
• Panic attacks become frequent and uncontrollable.
• You have high‑risk comorbidity (self‑harm, severe depression, psychosis). A clinician can help tailor hierarchy, manage medication trade‑offs, and provide exposure in a safe space.

Section: Medication and exposure — trade‑offs Some anxiolytic medications (e.g., benzodiazepines)
can blunt learning during exposure because they reduce the emotional signal that drives extinction learning. SSRIs often support exposure work by reducing baseline anxiety and improving adherence. If you're on medication, discuss with your prescriber how to coordinate exposures. We are not prescribing; we highlight the trade‑off: short‑term symptom relief vs. long‑term learning.

Section: Common pitfalls we saw and how we fixed them

Fix: Make tasks concrete and observable.

Fix: Start low and build confidence with 3–5 repeatable wins.

Fix: Use SUDS and minutes after each exposure.

Fix: Repeat in at least two contexts (e.g., different café, different coworker)
to generalize learning.

After each list, reflect: making items concrete converts the problem from "I’m anxious" to "I did X for Y minutes and recorded Z." We prefer data over drama.

Section: Maintaining the hierarchy long term We will periodically revisit and re‑order. Every 4–6 weeks, pick one high‑value item and break it into new micro steps until completed. Keep the hierarchy living: cross off items that no longer apply; add new ones as life changes.

Brali check‑ins and how to use them now We built a small check‑in pattern that fits Brali LifeOS. Use it daily for the first two weeks, then switch to twice‑weekly if sustaining practice is hard.

Mini‑App Nudge (again)
Create a Brali check‑in called "Exposure Quick Check" with two fields: SUDS pre, SUDS post, and a 20‑word free text. Set it to trigger right after your scheduled micro‑task.

Check‑in Block Daily (3 Qs):

• Q1: What was your SUDS before the exposure? (numeric 0–100)
• Q2: How many minutes did you spend on the task? (count minutes)
• Q3: What was the main sensation or behavior during the exposure? (short free text, 1–2 lines)

Weekly (3 Qs):

• Q1: Total exposure minutes this week? (numeric)
• Q2: How many unique hierarchy items did you practice? (count)
• Q3: What one belief or prediction was updated this week? (short free text)

Metrics:

• Minutes practiced (per day / per week)
• Count of unique items touched (per week)

We recommend logging these fields in Brali LifeOS after each session and completing the weekly block on the same day each week (e.g., Sunday evening).

• If you skip two days: do a 5‑minute micro‑task the next day.
• If SUDS does not reduce across 5 sessions: review step size and reduce gap between items by 10–20 SUDS.
• If completing an exposure causes dissociation or panic: stop, use grounding, and consult a clinician.

Closing scenes: the next seven days mapped Day 0 (today)
— 20 minutes total:

• 8 minutes listing items
• 10 minutes rating & ordering
• 2 minutes schedule first exposure in Brali LifeOS

Day 1 — 10 minutes:

• First exposure: 5–10 minutes on item #1
• Log SUDS before/after + 1 sentence

Days 2–6 — 10–20 minutes each day:

• Repeat first exposure until SUDS drops ~30% across 3 sessions
• Introduce item #2 as soon as #1 shows reliable drop
• Weekly check‑in on Day 7

We know that momentum matters. The hardest moment is often the 30 seconds before starting. We use small timers and a short script to get past it. We give ourselves permission to start small and to be imperfect.

• Use Brali LifeOS exposures planner: https://metalhatscats.com/life-os/exposure-hierarchy-planner
• If you’re new to SUDS, think in 10‑point increments (10, 20, 30...) for the first week.

When we name our fears and place them on a ladder, we change the relationship from “I am overwhelmed by X” to “I can approach X in a specified, measurable way.” It reduces the tyranny of the amorphous threat. The practice is modest: short tasks, honest numbers, a living list. Over time, those modest acts aggregate into changed behavior and new evidence that we can tolerate discomfort and still move forward.